Updated: 3/24/2015 See bottom.
Potty training....just those two little words can bring up such emotion. This is a VERY complex process.
This was our journey for daytime potty training which was interrupted a LOT, because my child was on chemotherapy for a leukemia diagnosis. I hope you can find some helpful tips here. I have a LOT of links to products that really helped us.
Yes, it IS messy and often not a lot of fun, but it MUST be done. I think the earlier you start the better. Somewhere between two or three - chronological NOT developmental age - is ideal. There are a LOT of steps to learning to use the potty. I made this process VERY gradual.
Here are the steps your child will need to master:
1. Recognizing when you need to go
2. Walking to the bathroom
3. Pulling pants/skirt/shorts and underwear down
4. Getting onto the toilet
5. Doing the business
6. Getting the right amount of toilet paper
7. Wiping
8. Pulling pants/skirt/shorts and underwear up.
9. Getting off toilet
10.Flush
11.Doing all the above steps completely independently - all on their own.
This is a LOT of steps. The GOOD news you don't have to master them all at once. They can be learned over time AND often with kids with special needs, #1 comes in LAST. If you wait until they are interested in going, you may be waiting a LONG time. There truly is no need to do that.
Before you even start the potty training process your child needs to get used to the toilet and the bathroom! Ideally they should be walking, but they don't HAVE to be to start this process. Here is what we did:
#1 - Stop changing a diaper lying down. Get rid of the changing table somewhere between age 2.5 and 3 years old. (If your child is older than this then just stop laying them down ASAP.) Switch to pull-up diapers that can be opened at the side. We used Huggies Pull-ups. There are also cloth pull-up diapers available too. Honestly, when you lay your child down to change their diaper you are treating them like a baby. You really don't want to do this after 2.5 years old when they aren't a baby anymore (I don't care what their developmental age is!). Bring them to the bathroom to change their diaper. Put them on the toilet, remove their clothing, and remove their pull-up from the sides. Then put on a new pull-up and put the clothing back on. I did this step for about four months BEFORE I did step two.
#2 Learning WHAT to DO on the potty.
Quite honestly, I am not a fan of the "take them to the potty every 10-20 minutes or so and have them sit there for five to ten minutes" method to teach going on the potty. I think it's mean. And a lot of kids can't sit still long enough to stay on the potty for five minutes. This is just MY opinion, so take it for what it's worth. If it worked for you, great, but I think it takes longer for the child to figure out what to do ON the potty, because you are "hoping" and praying they actually pee or poop on the potty in that time frame.
I am a BIG fan of the learning by making mistakes method! And so I LOVED this method.
www.3daypottytraining.com
It is worth the money. It will teach your child WHAT to do on the potty. They MUST be in underwear. You will not be able to successfully potty train your child during the day in pull-ups. They KNOW the difference. You probably won't get it done in three days (we didn't!), but you might get lucky.
Another item I used was the Potty Patty (or Potty Scotty) doll. It is a doll that actually pees. I showed this to Olivia for several months before I did the 3day method.
Once a child knows WHAT to do on the potty, then you can get them on a schedule. I know the book says NOT to do this and you won't do this during the three day method, but after the three day method, if your child doesn't tell you they need to go (and most don't), you have to get them on a schedule! I started with taking her every hour. If she didn't go after about two minutes, then she didn't have to. MOST of our kids need to be on a schedule first, before they can start to recognize their own body signals (although again you might get lucky). This can take awhile - months to years for some children. IF you can get them on a schedule of every two to three hours, you are golden. Even your child's pre-school/day care can take them every hour or two. I recommend NOT going back to pull-ups, but dealing with the mistakes. They will get less frequent. You MIGHT need to do a repeat potty training weekend.
I won't lie, the potty training weekends are INTENSE. You have to clear your schedule and focus 100% on your child. You will be cleaning up a LOT of mistakes, but the method DOES work. It is a method with lots of positive reinforcement. Naturally, anytime your child puts pee or poop in the potty, you'll make a BIG deal out of it.
Learning WHAT to do on the potty didn't take long for Olivia to learn, BUT we had setbacks due to being on chemotherapy. She would be doing GREAT, going on a schedule every two to three hours, in underwear, have a chemo treatment and then all of a sudden be going every 20 minutes. At one point, I HAD to put her back in pull-ups because she was literally peeing every 20 minutes. It was insane. This probably won't happen to you, but if it does for some reason, do another three day potty training weekend. Over a two year period, I did three(!) potty training weekends. I'm sure it would not have been like this had she not been on chemotherapy!! The last time I did a three-day potty training weekend, I had Olivia help me with cleaning up the messes. This REALLY seemed to help. She didn't like it too much. I DO NOT recommend doing this if it is your first potty training weekend.
For our kids with special needs, I recommend NOT using a special potty seat that is not part of the toilet. I think the transition to the toilet can be challenging and with a step stool, like I have linked to below, there really is no need for it.
#3 Learning how to pull underwear and pants up and down
This took us at LEAST six months for her to acquire this skill. It is a fine motor task and it was REALLY hard for her. Lots of hand over hand.
#4 Wiping - First you do it for them, then hand over hand. Then they do it. It won't be perfect for awhile. I still wipe her for poop. This one will probably take a little longer to learn. I will use the above steps for that too.
#5 Pulling the right amount of toilet paper off - another fine motor task.
#6 Flushing - at home I do this as it is an awkward position. At school, she does it. When we are out and about I usually do it.
#7 Recognizing when they need to go and going independently - I started by gradually phasing myself out of the bathroom. I will tell her, "you haven't peed in two hours, it's time to go" and I would send her in there. I recommend creating a story on the iPad with Story Creator or making a book. Use pictures of your child going on the potty, walking to the potty, etc. After almost three years of this training, Olivia will tell me when she needs to go, but not always. It's just going to take time...but we are about 95% there. We just went on an airplane for five hours (one way!), and a seven-day cruise and she told me when she needed to go the entire vacation. :) I was overjoyed!!
#8 Always take them before you leave the house and before you leave anywhere to get into the car.
Some helpful products:
See Me Go Potty - iPad app (this can be customized to look like your child): I really liked this, because it tastefully showed WHAT you are supposed to DO on the potty. It REALLY gives a visual of it which is a MUST have for our kids
The Potty Stool - This is a MUST (or something REALLY similar) IF you want your child to be able to get on and off the toilet all by themselves. I KNOW it's expensive, but it is SO worth it!! Another alternative is the Looster Booster (it's not as good, but it will work).
You'll want a toilet seat insert. I love this product.
Potty books and DVDs:
Tinkle Tinkle Little Tot
Signing Time Potty Time - Olivia loved all of these products. We watched the video a LOT and I had her watching it several MONTHS before we started step #2.
Elmo Potty Time DVD and book
I also had a small step stool for me to sit on in the bathroom. I would have her lean over my legs to wipe her for messes when she was in pull-ups.
Piddle Pads for the car seat - a definite MUST for in the car accidents.
For going to the bathroom in public places, I LOVE this product. I never use the bottom half, but I know people who do, but I LOVE the top portion. I can place the potty ring on any public toilet and she will go without fear. She doesn't have to be able to hold herself up and I don't have to hold her. This made going to the bathroom in public MUCH easier. Always keep a change of clothes or two in the car with your portable potty seat...just in case.
I hope these tips and products will make your potty training journey (and it IS a journey) MUCH easier and less stressful. A big part of it, I think, is our attitude toward it. Make it fun! Do not show any stress even if it's the 100th accident. I think if you go into it, knowing that IS a journey and will take some time, the process goes much better for you and your child.
Good luck!
P.S. The nighttime potty process is whole other story. For now, I am not going to worry about it. I might tackle that when she is 6.5 to 7 years old, but not now. She is currently 5.5 years old.
P.S2. I never used stickers or any other bribery method. She did get LOTS of praise though, but since she doesn't care about stickers, I didn't do that.
Update 3/24/2015
Since I originally wrote this, Olivia had regressed BIG time in her potty training habits. She started going in her underwear about FOUR or MORE times a day after the cruise. I just could NOT keep up with the laundry, so much to my dismay, I HAD to put her back in pull-ups! UGH! I hated to do it, but she had a double knee surgery coming up and was going to be in a cast with both legs for a month. I could not risk an accident in that state! No way! We went back into pull-ups in Mid-October. Then the surgery was mid-November and the casts came off in mid-December. Then I had to figure out my plan of attack. After three YEARS of potty training, I was getting tired. I KNEW that Olivia knew ALL the steps for going to the bathroom completely independently.
I did yet ANOTHER 3-day potty training weekend in January. I had HER clean up her mistakes. She knew where the pee-pee goes. After the three days, we switched to these underwear when she went to school. They are exactly like underwear but with a removable insert. This way if she had an accident then it wouldn't soak through her pants/skirt. After using those for about two weeks, we went to straight underwear. We would always have her go before we left the house and we're leaving somewhere. I would tell her we're leaving to go to XYZ, you need to go potty and she would go. Sometimes she would fuss about it, but she would eventually go. I never wavered on this.
She might have an accident once or twice a week. To be honest, I was getting discouraged. Finally one day at horseback riding in early February, she had a MAJOR accident in the front seat of my car. I was pissed! We have this routine at horse. We've had it for TWO years. After she rides her horse, she sits in the front seat and we drive up to where the bathroom is. Yes we could walk it, but not when she HAS to go which is usually! She had signed potty that fateful day and I was hurrying to get her to the potty. I put her in the front seat like usual and by the time I walked around to the drivers seat she had PEED! I was mad. Did I scold her no? But I was pissed. Literally! And I had NOTHING to change her into. I took off her pants and undies and she rode bare bottom on the piddle pad in her car seat the 30 minute ride home. When we got home, I told her to put her underwear and pants in the washing machine while we were in the garage. I used a tone of voice that indicated I was upset. She walked in the house and put them both in the washing machine. Then I got her dressed and we went out to clean the car seat that she had peed on with disinfecting sheets. She didn't like doing it. Since that day, six weeks ago, she has not had one accident. She is now taking herself to the bathroom at school and at home (is it consistent? No. Am I still reminding her? Yes). Sometimes I'll say, Olivia you haven't gone to the potty in two hours, it's time to go. It's like the switch changed. I may occasionally ask her "where does the pee-pee go?" and she will say potty. I think if your child KNOWS where the "stuff" goes, we have to hold them accountable for any accidents they may have. They don't like cleaning it up.
Other than wiping her rear end, she is potty trained. I hope I haven't jinxed myself by writing that. LOL!!
